Dominatrix Community Condemns Netflix Show ‘Bonding’ As ‘Inauthentic’ and ‘Problematic’
Netflix scored big with bawdy teen comedy “Sex Education” at the start of the year, but it appears its latest attempt at a sex positive comedy was a misstep. Created by actor Rightor Doyle, “Bonding” centers around a gay stand-up comic who comes into his sexuality when he takes on a gig as an assistant to a dominatrix. In a creator’s statement posted to Instagram, Doyle explained that the show is based on his personal experience as a struggling comedian in New York.
“As a young gay man still struggling with my own sexuality, guarding the door while one of my best friends from home tied a naked man to a four poster bed and whipped him was jarring to say the least,” wrote Doyle, while also touting “influences ranging from Pedro Almodóvar to Terry Zwigoff.”
Although many fans chimed in with messages of support, not all were convinced that Doyle’s experience gave him the right to tell this particular story. (IndieWire has reached out to Netflix for a response.)
“I understand how this show is loosely based on a personal experience but it does cast a bad shadow and stigma on professional domination,” Mistress Synful Pleasure wrote in response. “The inaccuracies feed the stigma of bdsm & it doesn’t really show what the life of a dominatrix is like at all. Why is she a bitch 24/7? Why is she wearing a collar with an O ring? Why does her corset not fit her right? She doesn’t screen her clients? … The lack of negotiation & consent? Come on, even loosely based there should be a better representation of bdsm in here.”
Jessica Nicole Smith, a dominatrix working in Montreal, where it is legal to sell sex but not to purchase, got through the first three episodes before a storyline about sexual assault became too much.
“It has this horrible line — ‘I’m this way because I was assaulted.’ Cool, what a shitty thing to say because that’s often how I feel as a sex worker who was assaulted, and are people gonna think I do this because I was assaulted? I didn’t like the conflation storyline. Yes, let’s talk about trauma…but it’s not like she’s dealing with her trauma, she’s projecting it onto everyone else,” she said.
Aside from the triggering storylines, she said the script didn’t do justice to the sex worker character, making the subject matter feel even more exploitative.
“None of it felt real to me. It wasn’t a real story of a complex, beautiful sex worker who has a real story of abuse at work. That just didn’t feel right to me at all, having been there myself,” said Smith.
Smith was not moved by fans who say the series is a half hour comedy and not meant to encompass the entirety of the dominatrix experience.
“Don’t fucking write a comedy where you haven’t consulted sex workers clearly on the writing. No sex worker would write comedy like that. You want a funny comedy? Get a bunch of sex workers to write down the shit they talk about in strip clubs. Sex workers are fucking funny, you don’t have to not include them to make a fucking comedy.”
Other responses from sex workers and the dominatrix community on Twitter are embedded below.
The problem I see is that this is not for sexworkers. None of us are the target audience, nor does it seem we were considered during the production process. This is for college age civvie women who want to dip their toe into SW for lols without ever taking on any of the risks.
— Tess McGill (@randomsexworker) April 25, 2019
I understand that this is meant to be a comedic line.
It isn’t funny.
It goes against the idea of Safe, Sane, Consensual (SSC) / Risk Aware Consensual Kink (R.A.C.K.).
Keywords being aware and consensual! pic.twitter.com/kkewh1XVDU
— 🇨🇦Lacey Louix⚰️ (@LaceyPlaces) April 24, 2019
It appears the show, in spite of good intentions, has missed the mark on realistic portrayals of ProDommes & their clients, not to mention some of the more technical aspects of the job (rope, e.g.). There are so many qualified folx in LA who could’ve provided affordable guidance.
— PrincessMarx, Ballbusting Queen #LosAngeles (@PrincessMarxxx) April 25, 2019
Last episode was problematic because skipping your vetting for an offer “too good to refuse” is asinine. The character is busy and “one of the best” so why is she so quick to go to this random man’s apartment ?
— Goddess Sombra (@Goddess_Sombra) April 24, 2019
There are other reasons why this show was a little problematic as well, but I feel those reasons are small by comparison.
However I wish writers would do some more research before attempting to make BDSM a mainstream topic. Even if it’s fiction it still has an impact 🌈— Goddess Sombra (@Goddess_Sombra) April 24, 2019
In a format that has become standard for Netflix, the show’s Twitter account is written from the perspective of the fictional Mistress May, the main dominatrix character played by Zoe Levin. For many sex workers who have been removed from or “shadowbanned” by Twitter, meaning their content is restricted and their profiles hidden from searches, Netflix’s marketing scheme was a slap in the face.
This is in such bad taste. Operating this account like an actual domme account when real dommes are shut down and shadowbanned all the time. Yuck. Throw the whole concept away. Ew.
— Sabina Magic (@sab_magic) April 24, 2019
Utter garbage. Parodied for profit. FOSTA/SESTA is literally killing people and here you are, @netflix, hand out, collecting cash while workers are jailed, evicted, killed. Shame on you.
— Megara Furie (@MegaraFurie) April 25, 2019
There were some playing devil’s advocate, however:
Im seeing a lot of bashing about this show from other sex workers but honestly I enjoyed it. It’s a comedy, and it still touches on the stigma sex workers get and shows that sex workers are real everyday people. Maybe ya’ll should actually watch it first 🤷♀️
— Goddess Lynx NYC/NJ (@DommeLynx) April 25, 2019
