Chris Columbus Enabling Jerks Who Won’t Read Subtitles, Producing American ‘Trollhunter’ Remake

Chris Columbus Enabling Jerks Who Won't Read Subtitles, Producing American 'Trollhunter' Remake

You can’t argue with success. A nearly identical copy of popular Spanish thriller “[Rec]” hit stateside three years ago under the title of “Quarantine,” using the English language but barely changing a thing. The picture did $41 million worldwide on a tiny budget, prompting a sequel (coming out theatrically next week! Who knew? Not us). It should stand to reason that foreign horror would be a hot import, as long as we change the language and faces. Which all leads to the director of “Home Alone” bringing us our own version of “Trollhunter.”

The original, which we reviewed here, is a moderately-entertaining picture about a couple of students following a grizzled, older loner who works for the government. He’s not investigating the rash of bear attacks, but rather the consistent regional threat of giant flesh-eating trolls. The movie’s emphasis on the mythical nature of the creatures allows for more deadpan humor than scares, resulting in a creature-feature that’s more droll (and often dull) than thrilling. Also, it’s a found footage movie. And we really don’t have enough of those, do we?

Sounding every bit like a lazy, buzzword-hungry executive, Columbus says, “”Troll Hunter” was a visceral, thrilling cinematic rock and roller coaster ride of a movie. Visually, there are scenes in this film that American audiences have never seen. We want to introduce an International audience to this amazing moviegoing experience!” He then popped open a Fanta, blared that Black Eyed Peas Bar Mitzvah song on his iPod, and carted himself away on a gold Segeway from ‘Percy Jackson’ residuals.

Columbus is also producing remakes of “Temple Stay” and “Hello Ghost,” while writing and producing “The Cypress House.” His directing slate remains pretty blank as of now, as it was announced he wouldn’t be returning to direct “Percy Jackson And The Olympians: The Sea Of Monsters.” Though we’d rather he continued to make kiddie pictures that no one saw instead of remaking foreign films that only flatter the ignorance of those with an aversion to other languages. [Deadline]

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